A million small lights
up in the jaded, mystery sky
every thought flying away
chasing one before it dies
The hope, the signs
the fireflies chase
away in the forest
of deep, mystic haze
Caught one near the vine of love
trying to light the dark alleys
flew away, before I could talk.
away to those mystic valleys
One fluttered above the sea of hope
tiny reflections over the waters drawn
then came a wave gushing
soon the reflection and firefly was gone
Caught my eye, for it was the brightest
was the firefly, the tranquil white light
soaring above, the deep blue sky
soaring,shining its might
A few were those at play
chasing, flying, going astray
from the garden to the swing
from one to away
One flew from right above the shoulder
slowly rested near the eye
in the millions of fireflies
almost let this one pass by
But something there was
that caught the eye
and hooked on like the eyes
to the tear about to cry
Let those millions fly away
I have my dream, held close
let them flutter and chase
and there, another day goes...
When the sun evades
the questions of the night
And the sky turns
a purple hue
when a part of that conversation,
I miss you..
When the colors fade away
and all that is left is
a bright shade of love
and only things that are true
When I see the painted canvas of life
I miss you..
When I walk along
and see the flowers smile
and wind talk to me
as it slowly bids adieu
When I think how much little things matter
I miss you..
When the music plays
in the silence of the night
Walking along the edge of feelings
turning from silver to blue
When the notes sing a story of their own
I miss you..
When walking down
the winding lanes
wishing away the pain
wishing the journey was through
When I need strength to make me go on
I miss you..
If there were answers
to all the questions
life would be simple
and love would be easy too
Yet,in all the difficulties,
in all the troubles
life seems to sail through
Coz no matter where I go, what I do
even if as a memory, I have you..
Thoughts fail me
Rummaging for words in my head
Trying to find things to say
Find a path to tread.
I see the breeze
Carry the secrets of the sky
And I beg it to tell me
So I'd have something to walk me by.
Birds fly across
telling their chirpy tales
have they ever thought of coming down
and talking to people whose thoughts fail?
I close my eyes
try to picture a picture, think a thought
And again I open them
Ungracefully losing the battle I fought.
I look at the trees
swinging by the side
I wish I could hold my heart out
and find the thoughts that just died.
Love, life, me, you
they all seem like things I know
I wanna hear the great stories
about something, someone, glitter, glow.
The heart feels like a blank white sheet
the head, a blank black one.
Every thought stripped in my head
Existence of each coming undone.
Let me just close my eyes
and bring my brain to rest
Maybe today is not my day
Maybe I will not today, pass the test.
Somewhere in the dark of night
Lonely I lay, hidden from the world's sight.
I dared tonight and asked my mind,
"Sir,Would you please be kind
And tell me what goes through you
Tell me the story of what where who."
I waited , and asked, and waited,
But I wasn't for the answer fated.
Because the mind just didn’t reply,
Neither accept nor deny.
Why would it feel like the sea shore by the night
Where is seems that you in your plight,
Be the only person around
Trying to, with your thoughts, touch the ground.
Why would it feel like the painted glass,
Full of colours and things to tell, to ask
But exactly water on glass is what the thoughts are
They slip away, leaving you lost and bizzare!
I made the mistake of seeking explanation,
And of contemplating the contemplation,
But all that came were delusory replies
Of what may it be, all full of lies!
“Please for God’s sake, tell me what you think
Oh please, please be my fink. “
I needed to know what I think, feel
Coz somehow it just wouldn’t reveal.
I have been waiting for answers, deranged
Of why everything seems weird, so changed.
And then pat came the reply,
“When I warned, you didn’t comply
And now I refuse to think, to tell
Coz you wouldn’t listen, and then go through hell”
I did not have an answer, a retort
There is nowhere else to go, no resort.
I made the mistake of exploring the unfathomable territories,
And in return made and heard a lot of stories.
The mind just remained as deep and dark,
And no thought from the other was stark.
I surrender my mind, to you
I do not need no answers, no explanations too.
Mumbai....when I got to know that I'll be joining my first job in this city, I was confused as to what to feel! I did not know if I should be excited that I would be in the best city in India (thats not what I thought at that point of time though :p ) or should I be scared of being in that HUGE city all alone! No matter how much thought I gave it, it sounded exciting always! :)
But but...then I got the chance to speak to my relatives who live in Mumbai and when I got to know that I'd be travelling for an hour everyday in order to reach office, I was like umm...now I don't think I'm gonna like the city! An hour everyday!??!? Are you kidding me!!!!?! I'd be spending so much time on the train only in all the crowd or 'gardi' as the mumbaikars like to call it! :p I just decided to take things as they come and not think too much about it!
First two weeks were amazing! Stayin in the company provided, awesome accomodation...getting picked up at the entrance of the building for work...hmm...I guess its not that bad afterall! In those two weeks, we searched for apartments like crazy...EVERYDAY! Apartments after apartments and we wouldn't like any....finally, at the end of two weeks, I dint have either a roommate or an apartment so the next destination was my cousin's place to stay at! Well, I wasn't complainin...no one would if ya gettin to stay in Colaba! :D Everyday commute to office was not that hard afterall....bang an hour and I'd be in office! I got use to going to office...well, training yes! :p The training period was just awesome!! The tests we failed..and did not fail...yes the situation was not 'the tests we passed and did not pass' :p The amount of fun I had...oh...unbeatable! :)
From asking before getting into every train and getting onto the wrong train twice, I was finally telling people which train to take! :D Everyday crowd in Mumbai amazed me....it was so easy to get lost in that crowd! So many people...everyday....so many!! Each morning when I reached VT (now CST), I always felt like one of the protagonists in those hindi movies who came to Mumbai in search of a job :p But travelling in the train was as exciting as it was scary! The first train I took to office, I stood at the door 3 stations before mine and got really annoyed looks from people around! But nevertheless, I was proud to have made it to the office that day...really! From being scared of the trains, of the long commute, getting out of the house, gettin a bus to the station, a train to the next station and an auto to office finally became a routine activity and went by without even realizing, the fact that I was using all possible means of public road transport in a day!
Mumbai is like this city that accepts everybody with arms open as wide as possible. Initial two months in the city felt like torture...the trains, the crowd, the noise....but now that I'd be leaving, I think I'm gonna miss the trains, the crowd, the noise. I am gonna miss the fact that you can mingle here so easily...not just with people you make friends with, but also with the strangers you travel with on the train. Every person who lives in Mumbai knows the basics of sharing if not caring. Four-five people on a seat in the train meant for three would actually show you that people here really don't mind sharing their space, their city! I not for one day felt like an outsider in this city....I will miss the orange sky in the evenings on marine drive....I am gonna miss the fact that you could be as significant to yourself while you walk along the sea as lost you are to the crowd...you could get on a wrong bus/train and have so many people dying to help you find the right one...I am gonna miss the fact that you could take a Virar train at 12 in the night and feel safer in the middle of the crowd than you would taking your own car for a drive at 9 in the night...Mumbai is known as the city that never sleeps...I thought those are things people just say, but its true...the city NEVER sleeps and neither does let others! :p Walking out of a restaurant at 4:30 AM, I dint expect 3 autos waiting right there, more than ready to take you where you wanted by meter, without any extra charges because of the night!! Could you find this anywhere else?? Could you find more indifference to two women fighting in the train and/or more care for a girl who has taken the wrong train and is sitting in a train that is gonna go in the exact opposite direction of where she wants to go, chatting happily on the phone thinking that the train is not getting a signal to move forward, forgetting that its a local train and not a long distance train to not get the signal to move for 15 mins! You could never walk out of a station fighting for space on the footover bridge at 12:30 AM in any other city! You could never see as many women go to work with as much confidence as you would find in this city. There is nothing that you can't find in this city!! What you want, is RIGHT there!! There is no other place in the world where an uncle would remind you of the correct bus numbers 3 times before you got off the wrong bus. There is no other place where you would enjoy the sea breeze and the waves as much...no other place where you could be with a million people and yet think as deeply as you wish to....no other place where you can walk out of your house alone and find so many friends before you reach the destination...it is IMPOSSIBLE not to fall in love with this city, with its people...the tolerance of people in all the congestion, traffic, dirt, crowd! And its not that it would take a new person long to develop that tolerance...Mumbai teaches you everything and real quick!
Now that I am leaving this city, I look back and think, I would love to travel in the traffic from Andheri to Sakinaka, take 45 mins for 5 Kms coz its worth it being in this city! There is nothing that compares to the congested roads, the blue-grey skies, the pollution, the crowd coz all these things are different when they are in Mumbai...the city covers up for all its flaws to the extent the flaws don't seem like flaws anymore...
In retrospect, its not that hard to become a Mumbaikar atall! :)
So, its 2010…and we all are back from another big big party we have at the end of every year celebrating the fact that a new year is coming up…celebrating the new beginnings…but really, I am not being a sadist, but why do we do this at every year end?? I mean whats the whole need of celebrating New Year??
If we talk about the sad parts of the previous year being forgotten, then maybe yeah, we could justify celebrating the arrival of New Year. But its not like something bad that happened to you in the previous year will suddenly stop after the 31st of December. I mean something that started happening in December or maybe even earlier would just continue, wont it? I know I am being a complete sadist but I really, like really do not get the entire hoopla around the whole New Year celebration n all.
People make tonz of resolutions. Well, those which barely last a week but they wait like an entire year to make that silly resolution. Okay, I’m gonna give a little credit to the ones who make through a few months with their resolutions, but seriously, you need a new year to make a resolution?!? Do you really need the end of 365 days to make yourself just wanna do something? Why not just make a resolution at the beginning of each month and then break it a week later?? Or maybe a few months later?
I wonder why is there such a huge celebration around the New Year. I mean there are bigger events in life that just the beginning of a new year..like getting a job..meeting old friends…birthday…yeah we party then as well, but sometime maybe not as hard. I mean sometimes it feels like even going for shopping with my friends is a bigger event that the New Year.
Year after year, I’ve seen stuff happen around the New Year and have always wondered why people make such a big deal out of it. There will be those big big advertisements about some TV show that will have Priyanka Chopra and Shah Rukh Khan dance for you. Are you kidding me?? I mean why would a sane person sit and watch these guys dance on the television?? There will these big hoardings all over the city claiming to be hosting a better party than their rival hotel or club. And people actually pay 5 grand for the party (mind you..couple entry) and feel all happy that they have such an awesome deal coz the hotel is giving them 2 drinks complimentary…FREE! Russell Peters was absolutely right…we Indians like everything that is free! :p Those ignorant little party mongers do not realize that in 5 grand, they could get into a nice pub/club and have a lot more than just 2 drinks and guess what, you get food there and can dance there as well!! But well, ah, if they like doing that, I shouldn’t be the one judging! :D
All said and done, I also went for a party…call me a hypocrite but I dint wanna sit at home by myself! :p And yeah, this years resolution would be to be more regular with the blog…Call it a resolution?? Ohkay!! :D But yeah, actual resolution, try and give the same amount of money I paid the bloody hotel to some poor kids who could probably eat food for a week with that money. I really wish I stick to this resolution! :)
I recently happened to watch a movie called ’17 Again’…Quite an entertaining movie…but it just got me thinking, if we all got a chance to be 17 or 16 or 18 again, we could just change so many things in our life and make no mistakes…Well, if we made no mistakes, what on earth would we learn from??
I wouldn’t have been the same person if I hadn’t made the mistakes I made…But yeah, not all of them were necessary and I sure wish I hadn’t made many of them… :(
In the movie, the protagonist and his wife are on the verge of a divorce coz he can’t stop bickering about his sad life (seriously!!) and is really dissatisfied with the way his life turned out and then his ‘soul something’ (really weird stuff…I don’t know why do the directors even TRY to justify the absurd things in a movie…just go along! :p) puts him back to him being 17… (Sharad…we could compete on who writes longer sentences! :p). Well, so our protagonist here gets really lucky and gets to be 17 again and do things that he wished he had done in order to have a slightly different life than what he had. And then the weirdo goes back to being 17 and doesn’t change a thing about his life. I mean SERIOUSLY dude!! WTF!?! You crib so much that your marriage is breakin up and then you don’t do anything to change the life you cribbed so much about!! Well, that aint my point. So he gets this chance to undo mistakes he made and in process he realizes how much he loves his wife (cliché!!) and then gets back to bein all in love with her and the movie ends. And with that end starts my thought process, no one is given a chance to be seventeen again… We don’t realize the things we are losing till we have lost em..Like they say, you don’t miss the water until its gone (I dunnu if they say so or not..but one band I use to listen to surely did :p). No one is given a chance to be anything in the past again…why not just not make those stupid mistakes that would make us lose something we really value? I don’t get why people need to see the person they love go away from them to make them realize that they need them in their life?? Why not just value what you have and not do things that would lead to a day when you’d have to be without the one you love and then regret doing the things you did that got you to the day you’re living?
Weird ways.. in which the human mind works and to try and expound its absurdities of action would be the most difficult task ever…lemme just call it impossible! And all the believers of ‘nothing is impossible’ can try to prove me wrong here…I’m open to all evidence! :) But one question I wish I knew the answer to is that as mature adults, why are we not capable enough to just understand the fact that some people are important and that their absence would play havoc with our lives, and maybe sometimes even with this understanding, why do we end up hurting them so much that we make the people we love the most hate us the most??
We could do away with so much pain and hurt in our lives only if we valued what we had instead of cribbing about what we don’t…But is it really possible?? Is it?