This is what it is....

Have you ever felt the helplessness of a situation of which you know you need to get out as soon as possible but then feel like your hands are tied by the people around you?? Oh trust me...its bad! First of all to get things to be transpicuous in this small head of mine (I mean seriously...how difficult can it be...how big is it anyways?? :p) seems like the most operose task of the century..and not just once but every time I make an attempt to understand whats goin on in there, I end up getting lost in the morass of my head (How did so much fit in?!? Seriously!!). The more I try to ravel the threads of the thoughts in my head, the more they enmesh making me feel like one of those deranged persons trying to make head and tail of a situation! I mean really...how lost do I manage to get in my own thoughts will never cease to flabbergast me!! One day I'm here thinking, "Oh! I love him/her! Why don't I try making peace with him/her?? That's it...decided...I will talk and apologise for my faults (if any) and get everything back on track." whereas the very next week, the thought whose thread I manage to catch goes something like, "That freakin weirdo!! How dare he/she! I hate him/her! Hate him/her more than anything else on this earth! He/she dare talk to me ever again!! Only if one murder was forgivable, I would go kill him/her first!!". That's how labyrinthine it all is!!

But then sometimes when I sit in solitude and think about it, it hits me just how forlorn can someone be! Every minute that I spent cogitating about myself and the pandemonium in my mind, I did not realize that I, like everyone else, am living a life that is dictated by someone else! That we all were trying to fit ourselves in by trying hard to like the people we know we might never like...in the hope that maybe someday, we will be able to quadrate to all those around us...maybe someday we wouldn't feel the way we did then! Human tendency as we call it...man is a social animal (Okay..one sec...why only man? Umm..man maybe coz men gossip more than gurls :p) and cannot really live without mixing and interacting with people his kinds. But does being a social animal mean you have to change yourself completely in order to be welcomed into this world of interaction?? Most people like me would go like 'Whats the need to change?'...but yes! That's what is happening. Such is the need for the social asservation that in the bid to make themselves jonnick into this big circle of the 'cool lot', people end up forgetting what they really are! I might believe/not believe in one thing, but just so that my friends accept me better I should stop/start believing in it?? No, right?? On the face of it, everyone will say 'no' to that question...but on the inside we know, we cannot lie to ourselves!

Just everyday as we walk around, I do not know, or for that matter, do not keep the capacity to know how many masks we carry around! Every person I talk to, I always think, which mask is this person putting up in front of me now. And no matter how much we deny it, we all do it! Lie on the face of a person we think is hideous by saying, "Oh!You look beautiful!!" or say to a person who's bugged us for like half an hour with his utterly non-sensical stodgy talk, "Hey!I enjoyed your company dude!". We all do it! Reason...umm...yeah, some would say complaisance! True! But not all masks are as innocuous as those ones! Why do we need them at all?? Why don't we have the power to say what we want, to whom we want?? Why cant we stand up for ourselves and make our two-cents worth clear?? Because we're all scared of recreancy! What if I am chucked out of that big pool where all the big fishes swim to a pool I might have all to myself but without the 'cool' fishes taking care of my reputation in the society??

Like I said earlier, there rarely are true friends who are gonna watch your back all the time....if you've found such a friend, consider yourself really lucky...and if you haven't, then just know you're not alone coz there are loadsa people getting hurt everyday trying to kumtux the twists and turns of this recondite life of ours!! So, expecting someone to stand by you and watch your back is maybe being too gravid!! Having the hardihood to say what you want to and stand up for yourself is important! We don't need to try hard to get people to like us! Don't try to fit it, just let the people make place for you! And if they don't, then move on...they just don't deserve the accord!! :)